This is a culmination of several topics crashing together that can’t be fit into a Facebook status so bear with me. This is going to have some horrifying language, and it won’t be safe for work but tough. It needs to be shown. Because it is horrifying what is going on. (A warning for possible triggers for women who have had past incidents though).
There’s a lot going on about bringing awareness to rape culture and sexual assault, which is honestly a great thing to do but it’s only the tip of a very dangerous iceberg that has already been lurking under the surface. We as a society just don’t know how to handle it yet. The dehumanizing of girls and women is reaching critical levels.
Realize this, we are now bringing up a generation that has known nothing but texting as a form of communication and online dating as a normality. Developmentally, these kids can probably read emotions in a text better than they can read body language and proper face-to-face social behavior. Hint: it’s easy to read emotions in a texts – watch for the emojis. Haha lol j/k. 😉 Yeah…
I know it’s not just the teens either. I have been called out on texting with a friend at a coffee shop who was only a table away. It’s just easier to send a quick text than get up and go over to her, interrupt what she is doing and interrupt everyone else around her, just to ask her something. So I fire off a text. Then we go back and forth.
Texting is immediate. Now. And brings down all barriers of impulse control (it’s been studied). And that is the critical issue right there. Because impulse control is not inherent. It’s developed and learned. So if these teens don’t develop the necessary impulse controls, how in the hell are they going to control themselves when it comes to getting sexual? Especially the boys. Oh my God, the boys.
For my discussions here, I will be focusing on straight male/female relationships. I know that the examples shown happen in m/m and f/f and even female on male but the prevalence is definitely still males preying on women. (And leave your #NotAllMen at the door, please. I know not all men, but it’s way more than you think.)
So with the advent of texting, we all know there is sexting (with pictures). In the past, men had to be more of a gentleman to win a woman’s affection. That was usually the best way to do it because they had to do it face-to-face so wooing, smooth-talking, picking up cues of body language and adhering to social manner and niceties usually meant higher chance of success.
Now? Impulse barriers are lowered. Social manners set to none. Texting lets guys get away with what they wouldn’t dare face-to-face before. And then they get so used to that, that’s how they only know how to treat ALL people. From what they see on TV and movies, they are entitled to the hottest girl they can. They are entitled to take her out, and she’s SUPPOSED to have sex with him. It’s what is supposed to happen because he bought her food, damn it. And let’s not forget that thanks to Fifty Shades of Grey, boys are now looking to Christian Grey for examples of how to hit on women (via text, see below, I kid you not).
There’s a Tumblr site dedicated to the horrors of how awful “white boys” are at texting. It’s funny but read the examples below and realize that it is some of the most horrifying shit that girls (and women of all ages) have to deal with in the online dating world. Don’t discount the Tinder examples. (Though people only use Tinder to “hook up”, aren’t we supposed to be a more enlightened sexual America, not a misogynistic one? Want to hook up with a woman? Have some actual class and respect.)
When going through these examples, also pay attention to the time stamps. Some of these texts are days later than the initial conversation.
This is how the new generation is being raised to treat women from the instant they are matched. So girls either get thick skin quick or learn some very awful mistakes by entitled douchebags who dehumanize them for their own sexual gratification. Assholes who think women are only a means to take care of their erection.
While StraightWhiteBoysTexting might be on the humorous side, Destroy Entitlement is most certainly not. This is a spin-off where girls and women can safely share their stories of assault no matter how minor they think it is. And many don’t want to think of what happened to them as actual rape or assault so guess what, it happens so much more than you ever thought. It’s chilling how many stories happened to girls in their teens, with people they consider friends, and how guys don’t seem to take NO for an answer because once they are charged up for sex, nothing can hold them back. Again – they “can’t help themselves” or have no control.
So now we have a generation of males growing up with impaired impulse and self-control development. Not to mention social skills. So how do we fix this? How do you teach a generation of boys that it is not okay to open a conversation with a girl with “You want my dick in your mouth?”
Parents, if you have teens, don’t be blind. If your teens are daughters, tell them if they are ever texted in that way, the guy’s a douche nugget and will not stop sexually advancing on her if she ever wanted him to. Point her to Destroy Entitlement and show her what happens. You can’t protect her by sheltering her. Her phone can light up with these kind of messages, and IT’S NOT HER FAULT.
Parents, if you have teen boys, don’t be enablers. Don’t perpetuate the double standard. You can’t go by what your parents taught you because developmentally, your kids are so much different with our world of tech. Do your research and see what you can do to make your boy someone who can control himself. All of the women he encounters later in life will thank you.
Like this woman (who wins for epic response).
Hey look, watch this video for more! – (Street Harassment: Sidewalk Sleazebags and Metro Molesters)
2 thoughts on “The Lost Arts of Gentleman Conduct and Impulse Control”
Good post. Wish I could say I never experienced anything, but I can’t. I still haven’t dated a man who treated me like a human being and an equal. I’ve always been just a thing to satisfy their needs…it sucks. Most days, anymore, I’m glad I’m ugly, old, and fat. Men leave me alone now. There aren’t enough gentlemen out there anymore. No one, no man, no woman, no one deserves to be treated like the only thing they’re good for is the organ they’re born with.
I’ve had my experiences with this too. It’s the most demeaning way to live – to try to hold on to someone’s attention or love. This is not what girls should learn and think is normal.
(And I did warn you before that I would bring out the Christina if I heard you call yourself untrue things: http://youtu.be/eAfyFTzZDMM )
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